When Your College Roommate Drives You Crazy

Written by Suzanne Hanna, Ed.S. | College Girl Life Coach

Buckle up, butter cup, because you might not like this next sentence:

Your roommate might not be the problem. It might be your reaction to her.

I know, I know.

Before you close the tab in frustration, hear this: college roommates will test you beyond your limits.

The damp, stinky towels on the floor.
The late-night Face-Times with her stupid boyfriend at home.
The dishes that have become a full-on science experiment.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I cannot live like this” or "I cannot do this anymore," take a deep breath because, YOU ACTUALLY CAN.

Learning how to handle this calmly might be one of the most valuable skills you’ll ever develop.

Learning to tolerate people = your first real adult superpower.

Learning to live with people is a crash course in emotional maturity (this includes the ones you didn’t choose AND the ones you choose--living with people is waaaaay different than being friends in high school).

Because after college roommates disperse and you are adulting, you don't just stop having to deal with people.

As an adult, you’ll have:

• Coworkers who interrupt you.

• Neighbors who play loud music.and mow in their boxers (gross)

• Family members with very strong opinions.

You can’t control any of them.

But you can control your response.

And that’s what emotional resilience really is, sweet girl. It's knowing how to protect your peace without needing the world (or your roommate) to change first.

Ask yourself: Is it really the end of the world?

If your roommate leaves her clothes on the floor, is it annoying? Sure.

Is it worth a crash out? Nope.

If she never replaces the toilet paper roll, is that a dealbreaker? Still no.

When we start reacting like every inconvenience is a crisis, we drain our own energy. And we lose the power to focus on what actually matters.

Every time you pause instead of snap and choose to respond rather than react, you’re practicing one of the most underrated life skills out there: self-regulation.

The honest truth (and a step you can take):

People will always be messy. Loud. Thoughtless. Different from you.

But that doesn’t mean they have the power to ruin your day (unless you hand this power to them, and then it can totally lead to a crash out of epic proportions).

Learning to tolerate is wisdom. It's not weakness.

Tolerating means you get to determine your own limits.

If she goes beyond your limits (your boundaries), then it's your responsibility to communicate with her and let her know what is making you uncomfortable.

She might not even be aware of it. Or, maybe the story you've made up in your head about why she behaves like she does isn't true at all.

Promising to tell each other when you are uncomfortable is the secret sauce to peaceful coexistence.

Try it. I think you'll find that it's very helpful.

You are abso-freaking-lutely capable of this!

⚠️ Important Note

This advice is meant for typical roommate challenges like differences in cleanliness, habits, or personalities.

If your roommate is engaging in dangerous or illegal behavior (like using drugs, drinking excessively, bringing unsafe people into your space, or crossing serious boundaries), this is not something you should just tolerate or “breathe through.”

You deserve to feel safe where you live. 💛

If something feels off, reach out to your RA (Resident Assistant), Housing Office, or Campus Counseling Center right away. And if you ever feel unsafe, contact Campus Security or a trusted adult immediately.

You're stronger than you think you are, and I've always got your back.

🩵, Suzanne